I'm takin' my turn on the... SINWAGON!

sinwagon84 @ 2005-10-03T21:14:00

2005-10-04T02:14:50Z

Your dating personality profile:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Wealthy/Ambitious - You know what your goals are and you pursue them vigourously. Achieving success is important to you.
Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have.

Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Stylish
2. Wealthy/Ambitious
3. Romantic
4. Religious
5. Athletic
6. Shy
7. Big-Hearted
8. Sensual
9. Adventurous
10. Conservative

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Practical
3. Conservative
4. Big-Hearted
5. Adventurous
6. Stylish
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Athletic
9. Romantic
10. Outgoing

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

sinwagon84 @ 2005-09-23T22:34:00

2005-09-24T03:35:02Z

Maybe you're just jaded from some nobody's unforgotten words
Maybe you're just faded, a little gray from every time that you've been hurt
So you're lookin for your skin that you never did fit in
You can't hide when you're turned inside out
Love is looking for you now

Maybe you been burnin' but you can't blow out a flame that you can't find
Maybe you've been thirsty but the rain just aint enough when you're this dry
So you're runnin' from the water and the fire's getting hotter
I think you better find some level ground
Love is lookin' for you now
Love is lookin' for you now

Maybe you been wearing the shoes that someone else is wearing now
Maybe you've been swearing forever might have already run out
You can't love yourself at the expense of someone else
You can't hide a liar from the truth
Love is lookin' for you
Love is lookin' for you

I've been looking for you
Baby I've been lookin…..
I've been looking for you

Satisfaction guaranteed?

2005-09-19T06:42:32Z

Yes, I know, it's been awhile. I'm still a little hesitant to be writing this entry. Sometimes I think livejournal is just a bunch of bullshit and very immature but I can't sleep and I've got somethings I want to get out. I mean I don't even know if anybody reads this anymore.

I've just been thinking about relationships a lot lately. not any relationship specifically, just in general. Relationships in my past, relationships that I want in my future, my friends relationships, my relationship with my friends and so on.

I don't know anybody that doesn't want or feel the need to be in a relationship. Granted I have been through some stages where I didn't want to be 'tied down' but I've always been open to the possibility. No matter what the relationship may be. But then there have been times where i wanted a relationship so badly that I didn't care who it was with as long as there was one.

I've always told people 'never settle for less than everything you've ever wanted in a person.' If you have to settle for something, then you're never going to be truly happy. So why do we settle? Is it just because we're lonely and just want to have somebody there... not even a somebody, an anybody? or is it because we become so comfortable in our relationships that we get scared of leaving the comfort zone? Or is it that we don't think we deserve true happiness?

I think sometimes we get so caught up in a person and the hope of having a relationship with them that we sometimes lose sight of our dreams and goals. We're pacified but not truly satisfied. I just don't understand why we're so willing to compromise the things that we value so much just for companionship. We're willing to give into our happiness for a little taste of gratification.

Maybe it's ok to have anybody rather than nobody. I know it can get lonely... but in the end we're only hurting ourselves. I refuse to sacrifice. I refuse to settle. I refuse to give up!

sinwagon84 @ 2005-07-18T21:59:00

2005-07-19T02:59:43Z

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey, this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...
Why
Why
I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard it said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?
'Cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel

Go figure.

2005-06-23T03:40:17Z

You scored as Abercromibe Boi. Your entire wardrobe comes from the mall with stores with music turned up way too loud, and discriminate on the looks of thier employees. Honey, do us all a favor - stop giving money to people hwo could care less and go shopping at the thrift stores - they have the same stuff..trust me!

</td>

Abercromibe Boi

80%

Attitude Queen

20%

Slut

10%

Out and Proud Queer

10%

Politiqueer

10%

Gym Bunny

10%

Twink

Circuit Boy

Mess

Drama Queen

Drag Queen

Str8 boi

What gay personality are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

sinwagon84 @ 2005-06-16T01:33:00

2005-06-16T06:35:45Z

I used to worry about what I wrote on here in case somebody I was talking about read it. But now I really don't care. I don't really think he reads this but if he does then I'm 100% ok with that. It shouldn't be anything he doesn't already know.

From the moment I met you I have been totally amazed. I couldn't believe I had met somebody like you. Somebody who I totally connected with. Somebody so... perfect. What I could believe is that it didn't work out exactly how I wanted it to. We beat that dead horse into the ground. You said you needed time, you needed to be single, you needed a rebound person, you wanted to have a friendship with someone before you dated them. Well it's been six months and I honestly think you're over that. Maybe you still need to be single. Maybe you still need a rebound person. But its been three months. We've talked all buy 2 days out of those three months. If we're not friends I don't know what the hell you would call us. Actually, I don't really know what to call us. Yes we're friends, but I don't talk to all of my friends every day, several times a day. We're in constant communication with each other. I'm not saying its a bad thing. I want to talk to you and spend as much time with you as I can. But even you said that you haven't given me the space and time to actually date somebody else. And I honestly think it's because you don't want me to. You may not be able to admit it but you get so damned jealous that you can't stand it. It's almost like we're dating. We just don't touch. Everything else is there. Well for me it is. I like you. More than you'll ever know. I always have. And don't see that changing anytime soon. I've tried to get over you. We tried not talking and we both know how well that worked out. I tried to date somebody else but every time I was with him I was wishing it was you. I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do anymore. One minute I'm getting one thing and the next it's totally different. Damn it, grow up and grow a pair. I'm sorry you have issues. We all have issues. Stop being so damn scared and just go for it. I don't care what you decide, as long as there is a decision. If you honestly want me to just be your friend and want me to move on then I am man enough to do that. No more of this 'if we had met at a different time' or 'we should just put it out of our minds for now'. I CAN'T DO THAT! You're in my mind all the time. But if I know that there isn't a chance then I can pick up the pieces and move on. No matter what I will always be your friend. Whether we try it and it doesn't work, or if you decide you don't want to. No matter what, I'll always be here. And I know everybody is probably wondering why I don't just tell him all of this. But I have. We've talked about it a million times before. And we never settle anything. It's always left un-ended. But I can't keep doing this. It's all I can think about. I just need to get on. If you want to be friends then I am really ok with that. But if we're friends then we need to just be friends. Not this relationship disguised as a friendship. We don't have to talk four times a day. We don't always have to hang out and go out together. You have to know how this hurts me. To talk to you and see you all the time, knowing you don't feel the same, or at least won't do anything about it. Just tell me something. I don't care what it is. I just need to know something! You'll never find anybody who will care about you more than I do right now.

sinwagon84 @ 2005-05-03T12:23:00

2005-05-03T17:25:59Z

My inner fat child has taken over! I don't know what to do. I can't stop it. I just keep eating! I'm starting to look like Brintey..... 3 months pregnant, not trashy. However I haven't bathed today. I rolled out of bed, took my final, not I'm going to bathe and go to work. Holla back guurrrlll.

God bless the broken road

2005-05-02T08:31:45Z

School is almost over. Everybody let out a sigh of relief. This semester has gone by quite quickly but good Lord I'm so ready for it to be over with. I'm taking the summer off. I'm so burnt out. I'm just ready to be done with it.

I wrote the worst paper I've ever written in my life today on Conflict Management. The sad thing is that I really don't care. I was just ready to be done with it. I have one more assignment to turn in for one class and then my final and then I'm done!

Work is work. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. I'm kind of ready for a change. A new setting with all new people. That would be fun. But what can you do?

Sometimes I really feel like I'm a hamster running round and round in one of those wheels. Always running but never going anywhere. I'm entertained by it for a little while and then I lose interest, it becomes boring, it gets old, and I'm ready to move on to something else.

Honestly I really can't explain how I feel right now. I've never liked anybody the way that I like him. I can't see myself holding on to anybody else if they had done and said the same things to me. Not that he has been mean or anything... but still I can't imagine doing it with anybody else.

I really want to believe that he has feelings for me. I want to believe it more than anything. Because I knew that he did, I would have a glimmer of hope. I would keep holding on. I don't want to move on. But how can I not move on? If someone told you that they liked you but they just couldn't date anybody right now, wouldn't that make you think he's really not that into you? Well thats what I told him. But he has said numerous times that that's not the case. Leading me to think that there is a chance. But over the past few days I've been thinking that maybe he just likes the fact that he knows I'm not going anywhere. Maybe I have made myself too available.

I keep wondering what would happen if he thought I was really moving on. What would he do if he found out I was seeing somebody? Would he see the light and think 'I'm going to lose him if I don't put away my fears and insecurities."? or would he think "Everything he's been telling me is complete bullshit. If he really liked me he would wait." Which is what I have been doing. But I refuse to be somebody doormat. I refuse to in a relationship with no commitment. You can't call me 5 times a day and talk to me for hours on end. But then when it comes time for you to do what you want to do, I don't get an invitation much less a phone call to say hey. I can't ask questions because I have no right. I can't expect an invitation or a phone call because we have no commitment to each other.

If you truly mean that you could see yourself with me, that I have all the attributes you want in a person, if I mean anything to you at all, please stop making excuses stop being so damn careful. Love isn't easy. If it were everybody would be with somebody. But they aren't. You have to take risks and you have to be able to take a chance.

I really don't know what else to say to you. I've said everything I know to say. I've done everything I know to do. I know deep down that if you did give me a chance, if you really let me in, you wouldn't regret it. I really do want to keep you in my life, but I can't continue to do this to myself. Every waking moment is spent thinking about you, worry about this situation, or actually talking to you. The first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed... is you.

So do I pretend to move on hoping he realizes his true feelings, do I sit back and wait, do I cut off all communication.... who knows what is right? Everytime I wish, I wish he would realize his true feelings. If it's not meant to be then I can accept that and move on. But this constant running in circles is killing me. I'm so tired of it. How do I get off this wheel without hurting myself? Maybe it's a little too late for that. Which method of getting off the wheel will result in the least amount of injury?

sinwagon84 @ 2005-05-01T19:51:00

2005-05-02T00:51:50Z

Your Birthdate: September 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways.

Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning.

You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches.

You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work alone or in a situation where you can be the boss.

This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Go figure

2005-04-30T01:51:35Z

I am:
41%
Republican.

"Congratulations, you're a swing voter. When they say 'Soccer Mom', they mean you. Every Democratic ad on the TV set was made just for your viewing enjoyment. Don't you feel special?"

Are You A Republican?

Revelation time...

2005-04-19T14:42:42Z

So I've had a lot of people giving me advice lately about my current situation. All of which has been very appreciated. So tahkn you to everybody who has listened to me vent and at least pretended to give a damn. It just seems like I'll never have anything normal. And by normal I mean I like somebody, they like me back, and we go from there. There's always these fucking issues and "what-if's". Why can't things just happen like they're supposed to. And by supposed to I mean Like I want it to. I know everything happens for a reason, and I know that everything in life is all about timing. I told him last night that I truely am happy that I've met him b/c I can't imagine not having him in my life now, but I really wish I hadn't met him when I did. I don't mean that in a bitchy way, I just honestly wish he were in a different place when we had met. I understand that people need and want to be single, I honestly do. I've wanted to be single before. But it's really frustrating when you tell somebody that you have feelings for them and you could see yourself dating them BUT you can't make yourself be ready for something that you're not. Well the same goes for me too. I know it's frusrating to have the same conversation over and over again, but I can't make myself give up something that I don't want to give up on. It's not a light switch, I can't just turn you off. You really don't know how much you mean to me, maybe you shouldn't know. But if you did, then maybe you'd understand things a little better. If you just want to be friends then thats fine. I'd rather have you as a friend than nothing at all, but it'll take a little time for me to seperate those feelings. I hope that one day you will want to be in a relationship, b/c the 'independant phase' can get lonely. And I hope that when you do want a relationship that you don't totally rule 'us' out. I wish I could promise you that when you are ready that I'll be there, but I can't wait forever. Seeing you with somebody else will only make me move on and push those feelings aside. Something I don't want to do, but I'll be forced to. So have your fun and have your freedom, and when you're ready just let me know. Until then, friends.

sinwagon84 @ 2005-04-16T12:03:00

2005-04-16T17:03:46Z

How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave with out a trace.
When I stand here takin' every breath, for you.
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave.
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain,
and even shared the tears.
You're the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now,
'cause there's just an empty space.
There's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face.
So take a look at me now.
There's just an empty space.
And you comin' back to me is against the odd's,
and that's what I've gotta face.

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry.
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why.
You're the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now,
there's just an empty space.
There's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face.
So take a look at me now,
see there's just an empty space,
but to wait for you is all I can do,
and that's what i've got to face......
take a good look at me now,
'cause i'll still be standin' here........
and you comin' back to me
is against all odd's............
that's a chance i've got to take.
Take a look at me now........

sinwagon84 @ 2005-04-11T01:31:00

2005-04-11T06:32:36Z

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain’t right
It just ain’t right

Oh when I don’t know
I don’t know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magical myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He’s beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Hear Me

2005-03-25T18:34:10Z

I know i's been several months since I've updated. Work has been keeping me pretty busy. School hasn't really been keeping me busy considering how often I skip class. I just don't have any motivation to go, at all. PLUS, getting to Montevallo by 8 from Hoover is no easy task. I think I've been on time for class about 3 times all semester. I should really go all summer so I can catch up and graduate at a decent time but I know my hearts not in it, so won't I just be wasting time and money? I really just want to quit. Or at least take a break. I know my parents would kill me. Well, maybe not kill me but they would be very disappointed, and sometimes knowing you've disappointed your parents is worse than them killing you. Plus I know I just need to hurry up and be done with it so I can move on.

I know that everything in life is all about timing. But how come nothing ever seems to come at the right time for me? I know what I want. And I think I'm ready. But someone else doesn't seem to think so. But are you every really ready for it? Life's greatest risks bring the greatest rewards. I wish he would realize that I'm not as immature as most, I won't hurt him, I'M NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DAMN IT! Just give me a chance. Thats all I ask for. I just keep telling myself that when it's time it will happen. Oviously patience is not one of my virtues.

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I'm far
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

sinwagon84 @ 2005-03-21T12:38:00

2005-03-21T18:39:19Z

Mostly Innocent
You are 80% pure

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 66% on purity

Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on Ok Cupid

sinwagon84 @ 2004-12-30T10:24:00

2004-12-30T16:45:31Z

Usually I don't update my journal b/c I don't have anything to talk about or nothing new has happened. But I haven't been able to update it lately b/c I've had so much going on. Those of you who work in retail know how I feel. The week of Christmas I worked 40 hours, all of which were overnights, and I still had 2 days off.

I found out a few days ago that I'm getting promoted to MIT. And I found out yesterday that I'll be going to the kids store at the Gallaria. My DM told me that his plan is for me to be an assistant by February. I'm really excited about it. I've wanted to do it for a long time and now I'm gonna have the chance. The one drawback is that I'll have to go to school part-time. I'm not thrilled about that, but I'll survive. The point of going to school is to get opportunities. I'm in a job right now that I love and opportunity is knocking now, so why should I turn it down? No, this might now by my lifetime career. But for now I really like it, it's good money.... why not? So with this promotion, I'm going to be moving. Not far away. Just to the Hoover area. I'm getting an apartment with one of my friends/manager. It should be fun.

My car died. It's been in the shop for almost 2 weeks now. I've been driving my fathers Lincoln Town Car.... more like a boat! It's HUGE! I hate it...... however, I'm very thankful they have something for me to drive while mine is being fixed. My parents told me that when we get it fixed we need to see about getting me a new car. So I'm excited about that too. Not too excited b/c I'll have to pay for most of it. But they're going to help me so I'm not complaining.

So, in 2005 I'm going to have a new job, a new apt, and a new car. Kind of makes up for the shitty year 2004 turned out to be. But seriously, I'm very blessed. I have a family I can always turn to, friends who love me, a job that I love. Thats a lot more than some people can say. I guess my new years resolution is to not take things for granted. I'm going to pack. Y'all be good.

sinwagon84 @ 2004-12-22T17:04:00

2004-12-22T23:04:15Z

Hell. Owen Jenkins.

2004-11-15T08:06:21Z

I've finally learned a valuable lesson: They're all the same. Yep. I'll go ahead and let everyone who has questions about guys. I always hear people say things like "I don't understand men" or "Why do they act that way?". Well, I am one and I still can't understand it. But I will tell you this, they're all the same (except for myself, of course). They'll say whatever they want to get whatever it is they want out of you and then they'll leave. Or they'll stick around and play you while they cheat on you behind your back. Or they will make you think that everythings going great and fine and then they stop calling, without any reason whatsoever. Or things could be going great and then they play the "I don't know what I want" card. There are many reasons (or excuses, whichever the case may be) men may give you, but they all mean the same thing: Men are terrible creatures and they will ruin your life. Ok, I'm just quoting. I didn't make that up myself. But it's very true. Dolly knows what she's talking about. I guess I've just always wanted what I see in the movies. But I'm getting to the point where I don't think that really exsist. Maybe they make these movies to give us false hope. Maybe they make them to make us feel like we're missing out. I don't know why, I don't make the rules. Ok, another quote. But seriously, if true love really exsist, why can't anyone find it. If one person tells me I'm young and I've got awhile I might explode. And I hate when people say that no one approaches me because I'm intimidating or because they're scared of me. Or worse is when someone says "Oh you could have anyone you wanted." Oh yeah well apparently anybody but who I want. Because I can never seem to get any one I actually like.

I'm sorry for this long post of me bitching, but I feel better now that I've got that all out. I'm just really tired of this same ole bullshit. Eventually it HAS to end!

sinwagon84 @ 2004-10-31T18:31:00

2004-11-01T00:50:00Z

What a week. I worked 50 some odd hours, and didn't skip any of my classes. I don't think I've gone to every class since the first week of school. So 50 hours of work, 13 hours of school, plus whatever time I studied. All in 6 days. Needless to say, I have enjoyed the past two days off. I be so tired.

So Brandon got back from his cruise. We went out Thursday night. It's been a long time since I've felt this way about somebody. It's still a little scary, but I know that it's worth it. Lifes biggest rewards are a result from our biggest risks. I'm ready to put myself out there. Ready to let someone in without putting up 87 foot walls. I'm excited to see where this goes. I really like him. I actually, ginuinely like him. I haven't been able to say that for a long, long time.

I'm about to go to my friend/managers apt for a "How To Host A Murder" party. We each have a character. It's set back in the 1800's in Texas. My name is Wyatt Hurts. When we get there we each get a book that will tell us what to say and what not to say. Questions to ask, and so on. Then we have to figure out who the murderer is. Should be fun. My jeans are SO FREAKIN tight I don't think my brain is recieving the right amount of oxygen. They're Wranglers also. I think they could fit a small child. Literally I have to lay down on the bed and tug and pull and roll to get the zipped and buttoned. I look like a stuffed sausage. I now know how a drag queen feels to have her dick up in her ass, b/c it has no where else to go right now. I'm sure that was too much information, but you'll get over it.

I hate Halloween. It's so stupid. I heard a Christmas song on the radio this morning and almost threw up. I'm not ready for it. It does seem to start earlier and earlier every year. I'm just bitter b/c I work in retail. Well, I need to go paint my jeans on. Y'all be good, or at least good at it. Happy Halloween bitches ; )

sinwagon84 @ 2004-10-26T11:29:00

2004-10-26T16:46:19Z

First off, let me go ahead and tell all of you who weren't aware:

Lindsay Lohan is the poo, so take a big whiff!

I love her new song. If you haven't heard it you should download it soon. It's called Rumors. She looks awesome in the video too. Guess she put an end to that Lindsay, Hillary debate. Nobody likes Hillary Muff anyways.

Ok, so that was my teeny-bopper moment. Had to get that out. We're doing our Christmas floor-set this week at the ole A and F. Its actually running quite smoothly so far. We've finished mens and it looks quite good if I do say so myself. Our DM will be there today so we'll see what he says. I've been dreading this for a few weeks but so far it really hasn't been that bad. Sunday night I had to stay till 1 am but that much earlier than I thought it would be.

Oh here's another announcement I need to share for those wo don't know:

School sucks.

Can I just pay a couple of extra thousand and just get my piece of paper now? Just skip the last year and a half and GO!? PLEASE? B/c if I have to fail one more test this semester, my head might explode. I guess I should go bathe before I go to class. Its much more fun to roll out of bed and go though.

Oh yeah.... Brandon got back from his cruise Sunday night. He stopped by and saw me at work yesterday then came on my break with me. He was gone for like 10 days but it seemed MUCH longer than that. I realize that I may seem extremely immature right now but it's ok to be a giddy little school girl every once in awhile, isn't it? He's going to come down to Mo-town Thursday night. Should be an experience. No, not THAT kind of experience. I'm not that kind of school girl.

HOLLA! Peace out bitches! (See, I can be butch when I want to be.)

sinwagon84 @ 2004-10-10T22:21:00

2004-10-11T03:28:10Z

Apparently my last post was a little confusing. A few people have asked questions so let me see if I can clarify. The guy I saw is different from the guy I said I I liked b/c I was comfortable with him. The guy I liked b/c I was comfortable with, I don't like, at least not like that. I care for him. Always have and always will. But I have realized that I didn't want him back.... just what we had. The guy that I saw the other night, I realized that I do and have liked, but have been a pussy and too scared to try anything. I just kept running away. BTW, we're going out tomorrow night. = D

Uh, sucka dick... thanks.

2004-10-10T19:51:59Z

I haven't felt like updating lately. Nothing really worth writing about. Until now.
Lets so, where do I begin.

Ah yes, Thursday. I was in the pissiest mood. I wanted to kill everyone. I threw a broom down the hallway at work. Thursday night, went to see The Graham Colton Band. They were awesome. I got put in the over 21 line. Which also rocked. I took full advantage of it.

Friday, 2 out of three classes were cancelled. I skipped the third. My dad finally brough up my new sofa. I rearranged. That was fun. Friday night, I went over to a friend of a friends house. We were supposed to go to the show at the Q but those queers wouldn't ever leave. I finally went with one of the other guys that was there at like 1 when the show was over.

Just when I thought I was going to have to go play in the traffic to actually have a good time I saw him. The first thing that ran through my mind was "Shit". See, we've been friends right at a year now. When we first met it was cool. We talked every now and then. We went on a few dates here and there. Nothing ever came of it though. We had a conversation not too long ago about how he liked me and wanted to date me and I had to go into this spill about how stupid I am and how I love to run away and blah blah blah. We hadn't really spoken since then.

Well, I decided to go over and speak. We were talking and shit when he invited me to come stay with him at his friends apt. Not to hookup or anything. Just to come stay with him. For whatever reason I decided I would. On the way there I was like WTF am I doing? This is so stupid, I just want to go home.... I don't like him, this is wasting my time. All of these thoughts and more were running through my head. I was trying to think of whatever excuse I could to leave.

But then I don't know what happened. We bean to talk, and I felt strangely comfortable. I didn't really know what was wrong with me. I felt so stupid. All the signs were there, I just simply ignored them. I didn't and still don't understand. After the last little episode I had with a certain someone I did a little soul searching. I'm not really going to get into it too much, but I've realized that happyness doesn't come from comfort. I hope that makes some sense. I realized I wasn't happy with him, I was happy with what we had. And that I was affraid to try again and get hurt, so I thought going back to what I had wouldn't be scarey. Someone told me not too long ago "Some of lifes biggest risk offer the great rewards." I think I'm finally ready to take that risk again.

On a completely different subject, and forgive me for my self-diagnosis, but I think I found out whats wrong with me. The tiredness, fatigue, weight loss, mood swings: it's called Irritable Male Syndrom. Don't laugh, it's real. I'm gonna do a little bit more research and see what it's all about.

Last night, my bunny took me out to eat (for my b-day, even though it was over a month ago lol). It was fabulous. We had fun. I think I'm gonna go eat some left overs. I appologize for this entirely too long post. Y'all be good, or at least be good at it!

I'm a little bit angry

2004-09-28T16:31:00Z

The teacher and class shall remain nameless for now, but yesterday in class something was said that flew all over me. Several little comments about homosexuality have been made but nothing that ever really struck a chord. Well yesterday we were talking about gender roles, which led to a discussion about trans-gender, transvestites and such. Then he started talking about hermaphrodites. He said "Does anyone know how to spell that?" And someone in the back of the room said "H-o-m-o". The teacher then laughs and says "No thats not quite right." He laughed. There was nothing funny about it. AT ALL! Ignorance. These ignorant small town people with their small minds. it's time to get out.

sinwagon84 @ 2004-09-27T01:24:00

2004-09-27T06:27:09Z

OK I tried to sleep but I could. I was SO sleepy and then as soon as I lay down my mind won't shut off. I just keep thinking. About everything. About everybody. I always dwell on the weirdest things. Someone will say something to me and I will just think about it constantly.

I don't really know where that conversation came from. You say thats what you wanted me to do. But what if I would have. Where would we be now? What would of happened? Would it have even changed the way things are now? I wanted to just as much as you say you wanted me to. But seeing things as they are now I'm kind of glad I didn't. You should listen to 'Back To You' by John Mayer. That song always makes me think of you. Too bad you don't know who you are. Maybe I should tell you, but sometimes things are just better left alone.

Why do I worry about things like this? Why can't I just let things go like other people do? Or do other people worry about stuff just as much as I do and I just don't know it? Don't you wish you could just fast-forward sometimes. Just to see how things are going to be. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time or not.

All I really want to do is fall asleep in your lap..... again.

What Might Have Been </p>

Sure I think about you now and then
But it’s been a long, long time.
I’ve got a good life now, I’ve moved on
So when you cross my mind....
I try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we’ve taken different roads
We can’t go back again, there’s no use giving in
And there’s no way to know
What might have been.
We could sit and talk about this all night long,
And wonder why we didn’t last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we’ll have to leave them in the past.
That same old look in your eyes
It’s a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away.
No, we’ll never know
What might have been

sinwagon84 @ 2004-09-26T22:27:00

2004-09-27T03:39:30Z

I have never been so un-motivated with school before. I mean I seriously have 0 motivation. I don't even want to get up and go to class. Much less do any homework for them. I keep thinking it's just b/c I don't like these classes, but I'm sure it would be this way no matter what classes it was.

I met someone the other night at the Q. Well we had met before but this time we talked [among other things hehe 0: )], and we went to the movies, had dinner, and hung out for a little while tonight. We'll see how that goes. I've already been pre-warned so I won't get my hopes up too high.

Work won't be fun tomorrow. Out DM will be there I'll probably get ripped a new one. Ugh, I'm just so tired of the same ole shit. It's the same shit, just another day. Get up go to school, go to work, go to bed. Get up go to work, go to school, go to work, go to bed. Its never ending. Goodnight all, sweet dreams!